(this is an extract from my "Mulder Project",a huge essay about Mulder that I'm writing since 2003)
-"I’m free..."
Mulder,Closure-
Mulder is only 12 years old when the mysterious disappearance of his younger sister, with very dark circumstaces, upsets domestic establishment of all his family.
To explain the younger sister figure, I used the Jungian theory of Syzygy (Divine Couple) that beholds the alchemic couple Brother-Sister too.
Sister, in some Balkan fairy tales, mysteriously disappears and her brother/hero starts to look for her.
According to psychoanalysis, the brother/hero is in search of the his Self, possibly made by a trasfert in the female figure that replaces the maternal figure, too weak to be considered as Anima in Mulder’s inconscious(Teena Mulder seems to have been too far from her sons.After the shock is more far from Fox, among barbiturics and depression).
Mulder, bereft of Sam, starts to look for her but, besides the obvious reason of a love between brother and sister, he looks for his deep to cut out a definite and autonomous figure.
Apparently Sam rises into the air,and so she goes away from the primordial, homely world, from the “indistinct of Mother”.
The same tale tell us that sister is held captive by the Old, who clearly recalls Spender Sr,who took away Sam by means of hypnosis. Mulder has to draw back the whole stuff from removed that has left just a remaining, sense of guilty, expressed by the great guilty to be survived to disappeared sister that really symbolizes two orders of guilty:
1)don't look for Self –2) don't rise like Self.
We can immagine Mulder as teenager and after as a very depressed boy.
Squashed by sense of guilty,it is possible that he doesn’t consider himself like active, useful: looking for Sam and finding her has became his profession.
Before his studies were addressed towards psychology cause of his desire to explain removed acts but always in the shadow of inconscious.
His profession is to inquire into paranormal, believing in it, but it involves to inquire into e and to grieve for crimes against children, like a compensation (if I resolve and jail the murderer, I resolve and jail Sam’s murderer and kidnapper), but also like masochist behaviour of infinite repetition of shock.
About "Paper hearts".
In his dream little girl who benigs on him to find her body, expresses him intuitive nature... typically who knows the Soul has related to occult and perception.
Even when Mulder meets Sam (presented again and again by Cancer man to affirm his own power on hero’s and his sister’s life and death) you can realize that these meetings just sharpen Mulder’s sense of guilty and repeat the shock of separation in his inconscious.
Mulder repeats again and again love between his sister and him by the X-files. If he will continue to look for her he will become Self, become complete.
Because if he will find his Anima, the male archetype of Self, he will be free from senses of guilty.
When Mulder knows that he’s the subject of aliens’ abduction, he goes on this path of recognizing of Self.
Believing this abduction, removing it, means starting a total formulation Self.
In "Sein und zeit" there is the solution to Mulder’s release from mother and from sister (biological mother by her siucide lets him to understand, alone, the abduction of the second female figyre in his life).
Then in "Closure" Mulder imagines to find Sam alive, in an idealized teen-age, in a suspended, unreachable but reconciled world.
And this is what Mulder is looking for: a perfect world, without pain, that would give back to past and to figures (connected to the time that’s definitively gone by), bliss, completeness, happyness he would like to come true for himself ando also for Sam.
"Fucking & Punching” ,aka Californication Pilot
Author :BirDDer
Disclaimer : all materials are property of ShowtimeGenre:dirty vignette
Rating: missing scene, nc 17,Mia POV
Fall 2007
I never asked myself about God,but I always imagined He does not resamble my father.
When my mother died,he tried to cover me by the world,with things and bucks.
He ignore I have conserved a blooded bind I’ve stolen to her, before they carried her body out the room.
He has his business and I have my memories.
He thinks I’m still the same six years old little good rich girl, but I’m sixteen now.
Yes,I’m sixteen,I’m rich,and I want to fuck.
I still not have sex and I’m bored about this condition.
My friends talking only about how fucking with anybody,when a joint goes around.
And when Ely found out her mum’s vibrator,she used it ,then she tried to lend me,but I don’t agree that kind of gift. I’m in love with my left hand.
Boys are a strange category,but it doesn’t do without them.
They likes just blowjob,and it’s ok for me…Nobody has nerve to go forward…
But what about the men?
I recognize their dirty looks,special gifts to me,I’m starving to curiosity.
I’m not a stupid or a uninformed babe,I know about it more than other friends.
This never goes up with the boys…
In L.A. is easy to date,easy to fuck,easy to boring.
And I’m waiting for this kind of trouble.
That afternoon,I walked out,to the book shop.I wanted to read somethings about love,and I finally chose a book titled with hate.
And then,he appared.
Tall, desperatly charmant
A man,very old,but *the* man.The one.
The one who I imagined was able to fuck you until the death,your death.
I pretended to lost my self in reading,but I followed every step of him, looks or? clumsy attitude,repeating my mantra :’please please,come to me,come in me’.
I knew him.He was my writer and I was his reader.
Like a sad pavon,he became horny seeing someone who read his book, and easily he approched me.
All fault to my laught: I discovered the laught are the best invitation for a man.
Breath alchoolic,he believed I drawed him ,but I dismissed fastly his opinion.
A man found me,I struggled with that, and he won.Me.Wow.
After a little chat about bullshit and his very low self –esteem,his book and movie,he invited me at his place.I agreed.
I was no scared,no in panic,just glad.
I tought I was very pretty if a man,an adult man,wanted ME.
I could be able to seem very distant
And I did it.
My emotions were in trouble,I felt blank ,unsure and I asked my self WHAT I had to do…
Maybe would he did all?
Of course he did.
In chat time,I was lost in his powerful old body,his wrinkled face,and his muscular thigh under my hand maked me definitively wet.
On the road to his house,I wondered again how did it.
I ‘ll have sex with him?
And how?
My body would be ready?
Sex was the real stuff?
What about a dinner on light candles or a flowered date?
Was It just like a Palahniuk’s chapter ?
Now – this - shut up ??
I was confused for the speed of my choiche.
I never really made up my minds… could I really said *no* to him?
But,did I really wanted it?
I wanted..what?
I knew nothing or so about that.
About him.
Another little chat in the car got me able to hide my totally improvisation about the event.
It was so strange how I felt nervous, but brave.
I looked at him,his jaw ,his sad smile,his messy hair.
There was a challenge: I played with him,or was exactly on the contrary ?
When I found my bravery ?
Or maybe was it just curiosity ?
The lack of my cleverness would be noted?
I could to keep on my shameless for a while,but what if he uncovered the trick?
When he opened the front door of his apartment,I felt ,again, a sensation both nervous and joyful,like I was on the rollercoster,that time without hand’s mum .
The smell in was dizzy,maybe a joint.
The mess on the carpet,books,papers and vinile records got me a home‘s sensation.
With a smile, he indicated me the bathroom,and I went in.
When I shot the door,I started to laugh.
Incredible,that was incredible.
I dismissed the idea to wash me , maybe after…After,AFTER!?
Out there he was a man and I will fucked with him!Really …He will fucked me.
I checked my lipstick ,my hair and then I got out.
He smoked near the mirror,then he turned to me,and smiled again.
The soft light of the afternoon smoothed his figure.
I walked to him,and touching his arms.
He looked at me and dismissed the cigarette ,without a word he approched me,to start to kiss my neck,and I can smelled his inner scent.
The smoke of the sigarette was on all.
But a strong,hungry male’s smell was under that.
When his lips touched mine,I opened my mouth without fear.
His kiss was gentle,his blitzed breath filled my nose.
His hands went at my breasts,and he uncovered them with soft touch.
The kiss continued and he started to press my breast. Then my nipples.
I liked that,and I went ahead:I squeezed his zack.
At that moment,he took off to me to murmured.
-‘re looking forward,uhu?-
I smiled and he took down my dress and purple panties:I was naked in front of him and I tought to be too fat.
He ducked and started to licked me at south.
His hands roamed on my inners thighs,he was able …
I felt a smooted long heat against my cookie and then on my trigger ,and I blowed my mind.
And what if he asked to give him my head?
But at that moment,I had just pleasure and I didn’t mind anything.
He continued to use his hands,now on my ass.
I lifted up my left leg,and he nestled better in front of my pussy.
I could nearly opened my eyes to see his hair ,the last smoke from the cigarette on the nightstand.
That man could attend a lot of lesson ‘how to …’ about it?
Maybe he got a lot of homeworks…And what about my homeworks for tomorrow?
I remember just hot and wet.
Then he stopped,and started again ,that time with a finger evolution.
Pure delight.
When I came,I dug my nails on his scalp and I panted for a lot,looking at his face.
His mouth and chin were flusched and dripping wet,then he rose, licking his ringed finger that before was in me, pumping,looking up at me.
He lost me,and I went on his bed to undress him, his eyes on my bare body.
Then I took off my boots,and I approched him ,and I kissed his hairy chest,his nipples,that I understood he liked it ‘cos the strange noises of pleasure came out his troath,and his head fell back.
His skin was tanned and lightly flexible under my touch,his exposed body was a bizarre sighting to me.
His taste was ..I dunno…aged?
And then ,hello Mr.Beef,or Mr.BIG Beef.
With a shiver,I gave head to him.
I was an expert,but not with that size.
The little head pulsed purple and it was very hot.And hard ,what a funny thing…
After my first attempt ,he took my head with his hands and whispered.
-Just relax,it’s not a duty…-
I thought was better to stop,and I rose. He smiled and drow back to the bed,falling on his back.
-Come here,baby,-his tone was distant,like a ordinary call.
He said and I did.
Before,he took a troyan king size,and dressed himself with an absorbing ability .
When I was on top of him -with his hands on my waist- he rose my body on his dick and then I fell down,without coercion from him.
He ,with skill,embedded me .
The fire of pain struggled my entire body,I worried to bleed on him,but I did not look down.
My hands was narrow on his arms and I tried to hide my hurt, beating my lower lip.
He maybe thought I had my sweet pleasure,and he stimulated my trigger with his left thumb.
I smiled at him, confused by ache and a rising pleasure.
The big beef in me felt like a weapon ,covered by velvet,but fucking letal.
I wanna scream loud,and maybe I did,’cause he murmured something…
The tissue of my hole was deadly strained,but at every stroke it was better -and underneath my belly- I felt the strangest hot of my sexual life… rocking back and forth.
His moist pubic hair tickled my naked sex at every stroke,and the noise of the bodies was comic.
I felt his clammy balls against my B side.
What if I laugh?
I smelled scent of sweat ,latex and shameless.
We were like in a rodeo contest, struggling to win both.
I never closed my eyes.
My legs straddling his body,his features was peaceful and remote.Was he drunk?
Just a couple of time,he narrowed his forehead.
His breat was soft and I tried to stifle my yells and my sights.
His hands on my waist,he went up and down,up and down,his abdomen muscles at clear sight.
It was strong and strange….the feeling to have a something , a real dick in me,was weird and amazing,it was stiff and solid.
It held me.
My sex was on fire,I not understood what the hell happened down here.
The ritme was amusing,he was very great to keep it ,how long it could went on?
I felt blushed and I asked him.
- Are you gonna come?-and I really didn’t have a clue.
- I don't see why not…-and then,he stroked my neck and hair.
I realized that I must moved myself too.
It was easy to learn.
I tried to go up and down like him,and it worked.*That* went forward for a while.Our movements started to move a little bit faster, I thought to come again ,but was very unlike the other way.
My body came all entire ,I felt like a outburst in my belly ,the shudder was long and endless,the twinge very strong, few contractions and my mind went at a perfect nirvana. ..and I punched him in face.He looked confused but he didn’t lose the swing.
Then I punched him in the nose,and he came,I supposed.
Take that,you ,son of a bitch!
You violated me…and I liked the cure.
Like an escape,I lifted my self from him,the feeling of my pussy empty was a little bizarre,but I felt now comfortable and very ached.
I didn’t looked at him,or at any part of his wet body.
In the bathroom,I heard his laughts and I knew that he’ll never forget me.
end
daily mood:horny
Disclaimer : all materials are property of ShowtimeGenre:dirty vignette
Rating: missing scene, nc 17,Mia POV
Fall 2007
I never asked myself about God,but I always imagined He does not resamble my father.
When my mother died,he tried to cover me by the world,with things and bucks.
He ignore I have conserved a blooded bind I’ve stolen to her, before they carried her body out the room.
He has his business and I have my memories.
He thinks I’m still the same six years old little good rich girl, but I’m sixteen now.
Yes,I’m sixteen,I’m rich,and I want to fuck.
I still not have sex and I’m bored about this condition.
My friends talking only about how fucking with anybody,when a joint goes around.
And when Ely found out her mum’s vibrator,she used it ,then she tried to lend me,but I don’t agree that kind of gift. I’m in love with my left hand.
Boys are a strange category,but it doesn’t do without them.
They likes just blowjob,and it’s ok for me…Nobody has nerve to go forward…
But what about the men?
I recognize their dirty looks,special gifts to me,I’m starving to curiosity.
I’m not a stupid or a uninformed babe,I know about it more than other friends.
This never goes up with the boys…
In L.A. is easy to date,easy to fuck,easy to boring.
And I’m waiting for this kind of trouble.
That afternoon,I walked out,to the book shop.I wanted to read somethings about love,and I finally chose a book titled with hate.
And then,he appared.
Tall, desperatly charmant
A man,very old,but *the* man.The one.
The one who I imagined was able to fuck you until the death,your death.
I pretended to lost my self in reading,but I followed every step of him, looks or? clumsy attitude,repeating my mantra :’please please,come to me,come in me’.
I knew him.He was my writer and I was his reader.
Like a sad pavon,he became horny seeing someone who read his book, and easily he approched me.
All fault to my laught: I discovered the laught are the best invitation for a man.
Breath alchoolic,he believed I drawed him ,but I dismissed fastly his opinion.
A man found me,I struggled with that, and he won.Me.Wow.
After a little chat about bullshit and his very low self –esteem,his book and movie,he invited me at his place.I agreed.
I was no scared,no in panic,just glad.
I tought I was very pretty if a man,an adult man,wanted ME.
I could be able to seem very distant
And I did it.
My emotions were in trouble,I felt blank ,unsure and I asked my self WHAT I had to do…
Maybe would he did all?
Of course he did.
In chat time,I was lost in his powerful old body,his wrinkled face,and his muscular thigh under my hand maked me definitively wet.
On the road to his house,I wondered again how did it.
I ‘ll have sex with him?
And how?
My body would be ready?
Sex was the real stuff?
What about a dinner on light candles or a flowered date?
Was It just like a Palahniuk’s chapter ?
Now – this - shut up ??
I was confused for the speed of my choiche.
I never really made up my minds… could I really said *no* to him?
But,did I really wanted it?
I wanted..what?
I knew nothing or so about that.
About him.
Another little chat in the car got me able to hide my totally improvisation about the event.
It was so strange how I felt nervous, but brave.
I looked at him,his jaw ,his sad smile,his messy hair.
There was a challenge: I played with him,or was exactly on the contrary ?
When I found my bravery ?
Or maybe was it just curiosity ?
The lack of my cleverness would be noted?
I could to keep on my shameless for a while,but what if he uncovered the trick?
When he opened the front door of his apartment,I felt ,again, a sensation both nervous and joyful,like I was on the rollercoster,that time without hand’s mum .
The smell in was dizzy,maybe a joint.
The mess on the carpet,books,papers and vinile records got me a home‘s sensation.
With a smile, he indicated me the bathroom,and I went in.
When I shot the door,I started to laugh.
Incredible,that was incredible.
I dismissed the idea to wash me , maybe after…After,AFTER!?
Out there he was a man and I will fucked with him!Really …He will fucked me.
I checked my lipstick ,my hair and then I got out.
He smoked near the mirror,then he turned to me,and smiled again.
The soft light of the afternoon smoothed his figure.
I walked to him,and touching his arms.
He looked at me and dismissed the cigarette ,without a word he approched me,to start to kiss my neck,and I can smelled his inner scent.
The smoke of the sigarette was on all.
But a strong,hungry male’s smell was under that.
When his lips touched mine,I opened my mouth without fear.
His kiss was gentle,his blitzed breath filled my nose.
His hands went at my breasts,and he uncovered them with soft touch.
The kiss continued and he started to press my breast. Then my nipples.
I liked that,and I went ahead:I squeezed his zack.
At that moment,he took off to me to murmured.
-‘re looking forward,uhu?-
I smiled and he took down my dress and purple panties:I was naked in front of him and I tought to be too fat.
He ducked and started to licked me at south.
His hands roamed on my inners thighs,he was able …
I felt a smooted long heat against my cookie and then on my trigger ,and I blowed my mind.
And what if he asked to give him my head?
But at that moment,I had just pleasure and I didn’t mind anything.
He continued to use his hands,now on my ass.
I lifted up my left leg,and he nestled better in front of my pussy.
I could nearly opened my eyes to see his hair ,the last smoke from the cigarette on the nightstand.
That man could attend a lot of lesson ‘how to …’ about it?
Maybe he got a lot of homeworks…And what about my homeworks for tomorrow?
I remember just hot and wet.
Then he stopped,and started again ,that time with a finger evolution.
Pure delight.
When I came,I dug my nails on his scalp and I panted for a lot,looking at his face.
His mouth and chin were flusched and dripping wet,then he rose, licking his ringed finger that before was in me, pumping,looking up at me.
He lost me,and I went on his bed to undress him, his eyes on my bare body.
Then I took off my boots,and I approched him ,and I kissed his hairy chest,his nipples,that I understood he liked it ‘cos the strange noises of pleasure came out his troath,and his head fell back.
His skin was tanned and lightly flexible under my touch,his exposed body was a bizarre sighting to me.
His taste was ..I dunno…aged?
And then ,hello Mr.Beef,or Mr.BIG Beef.
With a shiver,I gave head to him.
I was an expert,but not with that size.
The little head pulsed purple and it was very hot.And hard ,what a funny thing…
After my first attempt ,he took my head with his hands and whispered.
-Just relax,it’s not a duty…-
I thought was better to stop,and I rose. He smiled and drow back to the bed,falling on his back.
-Come here,baby,-his tone was distant,like a ordinary call.
He said and I did.
Before,he took a troyan king size,and dressed himself with an absorbing ability .
When I was on top of him -with his hands on my waist- he rose my body on his dick and then I fell down,without coercion from him.
He ,with skill,embedded me .
The fire of pain struggled my entire body,I worried to bleed on him,but I did not look down.
My hands was narrow on his arms and I tried to hide my hurt, beating my lower lip.
He maybe thought I had my sweet pleasure,and he stimulated my trigger with his left thumb.
I smiled at him, confused by ache and a rising pleasure.
The big beef in me felt like a weapon ,covered by velvet,but fucking letal.
I wanna scream loud,and maybe I did,’cause he murmured something…
The tissue of my hole was deadly strained,but at every stroke it was better -and underneath my belly- I felt the strangest hot of my sexual life… rocking back and forth.
His moist pubic hair tickled my naked sex at every stroke,and the noise of the bodies was comic.
I felt his clammy balls against my B side.
What if I laugh?
I smelled scent of sweat ,latex and shameless.
We were like in a rodeo contest, struggling to win both.
I never closed my eyes.
My legs straddling his body,his features was peaceful and remote.Was he drunk?
Just a couple of time,he narrowed his forehead.
His breat was soft and I tried to stifle my yells and my sights.
His hands on my waist,he went up and down,up and down,his abdomen muscles at clear sight.
It was strong and strange….the feeling to have a something , a real dick in me,was weird and amazing,it was stiff and solid.
It held me.
My sex was on fire,I not understood what the hell happened down here.
The ritme was amusing,he was very great to keep it ,how long it could went on?
I felt blushed and I asked him.
- Are you gonna come?-and I really didn’t have a clue.
- I don't see why not…-and then,he stroked my neck and hair.
I realized that I must moved myself too.
It was easy to learn.
I tried to go up and down like him,and it worked.*That* went forward for a while.Our movements started to move a little bit faster, I thought to come again ,but was very unlike the other way.
My body came all entire ,I felt like a outburst in my belly ,the shudder was long and endless,the twinge very strong, few contractions and my mind went at a perfect nirvana. ..and I punched him in face.He looked confused but he didn’t lose the swing.
Then I punched him in the nose,and he came,I supposed.
Take that,you ,son of a bitch!
You violated me…and I liked the cure.
Like an escape,I lifted my self from him,the feeling of my pussy empty was a little bizarre,but I felt now comfortable and very ached.
I didn’t looked at him,or at any part of his wet body.
In the bathroom,I heard his laughts and I knew that he’ll never forget me.
end
daily mood:horny
Happy b-day Mulder!
Sat 10\13\200710:13 pm
- No questions ma’am. Tonight I wanna get drunk and don’t think to anything or anyone…so be quiet and take here a bottle of tequila.
-Ouh...You are so kind,but I don’t think it exists a solution to my trouble…I’m a protagonist in a sci-fi series which gave me fame and fortune. They used to call me spooky…spooky Mulder…but now…It seems everyone forget me and my birthday because of a new *macho man*…ouh crap!I hate Hank Moody.
- Anyway…you was right before…if your trouble is called “Hank Moody” no one can help you. Hank Moody rules! But don’t worry, I wanna be gentle with you… Take all the bottle as gift for your b-day, Mr. Mulder
11.21 pm
02.00 AM
Mulder apartment
- Tell me Mulder…did you like the party?
- I liked it very much! Did you organize it?
- Yessss…who else?
- Scully Scully…you are always the best…
Biiip. You have no messages.
-Damn it! No one calls you when you need a little bit of company…
-Damn it! No one calls you when you need a little bit of company…
20 minutes later…
-(Uh boy...who is that?)...Ehy man, it’s saturday night…what are you doing here all alone?
- No questions ma’am. Tonight I wanna get drunk and don’t think to anything or anyone…so be quiet and take here a bottle of tequila.
-Ok...you’re the boss…but you should know I’m better than a psychoanalyst… maybe if you say what’s your problem I could suggest you a solution…
-Ouh...You are so kind,but I don’t think it exists a solution to my trouble…I’m a protagonist in a sci-fi series which gave me fame and fortune. They used to call me spooky…spooky Mulder…but now…It seems everyone forget me and my birthday because of a new *macho man*…ouh crap!I hate Hank Moody.-What????Are you talking about *that* Hank Moody? Hank Moody of Californication?
-Do you know him?
- You are not serious! He is beautiful and so hot! I’m his biggest fan! take a look at that wall: I attached a poster...
-Look…he so dirrrty!
- Okkay, stop!!! I got it…
- Anyway…you was right before…if your trouble is called “Hank Moody” no one can help you. Hank Moody rules! But don’t worry, I wanna be gentle with you… Take all the bottle as gift for your b-day, Mr. Mulder-Oh,thank you.I go away now...(Life is an endless shit…)
-Mulder,it's me.Where are you?
-Hi Scully...where I am?Where are *you*?Do you remember what happens today?
- Dunno and I don't have time to waste now!I'm at the FBI...you have to come here;Skinner want us for a case...
-Skinman want us?Does he ever go home?Okkai,I'm coming...
11.21 pm
FBI headquarter
-SURPRISE!!!! Happy Birthday Mulder!
- Ouh!!! you didn’t forget my b-day…thank you all folks!
02.00 AM
Mulder apartment
- Tell me Mulder…did you like the party?
- I liked it very much! Did you organize it?
- Yessss…who else?
- Scully Scully…you are always the best…
-I thought no one loved me because seemed all of you had forgotten my b-day…so I was becoming more paranoid than usual…I thought my fame was obscured by Hank Moody and his new *show*…but I was wrong…
-Ouh Mulder…I’ll never forget you! But... Hank Moody is so hot…can I turn on the tv? There’s Californication repeat now!!!
- No way!(life is an endless shit....)Cheers Scully.
- Cheers Mulder!
- Cheers Mulder!
daily mood:melancholic
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